This time last year

This time last year seems like it was yesterday and years ago.

My life was full of

-feeling HUGE, but not ready to have him :)

-Dr. appointments and non-stress tests for Judah

-trying to avoid heartburn at all costs

-preparing for my family from Minnesota to arrive

-feeling him move and hiccup a lot!

-cherishing my time with Nehemiah before everything would change

-wondering and waiting:

-What would he look like?

-What condition would he be in right away?

-How would the birth go?

-What should I even be wondering about? :)

Little did I know that only one week from today, he would come, FAST and in really tough shape.

I'm really not a blogger, but here goes...

So I wrote the following post almost three months ago...

I emailed it to Matthew to proofread and never actually posted it after that. So this is a horribly out-of-date post, but hopefully it will bridge the gap between my last post in April, and the next one that I hope to write (but don't count on me doing it any time soon!).

September 23rd, 2010

So much to say!

This post is a long time coming and I appreciate your patience with me. Usually these posts involve me staying up into the wee hours of the morning and I have been choosing sleep instead of updating, I'm going to do this post in sections because there is that much to say!!

Judah's Heart - Just yesterday we were back at Northwest Children's Heart care for a cardiology appointment. I seriously feel like some of the people that work there are my family, and it is always great to see them. Everything looked great and here is the best news ever, drumroll please...there was no sign of the "clot/undefined blob" on the echo! Matthew and I were stunned when Dr. Park told us. Matthew of course wanted to know where it went, thinking there could be a free roaming clot or something, but Dr. Park assumes that it finally reabsorbed. Everything about the "clot" has been a bit mysterious so we're just going to be thankful that it isn't showing up anymore! Praise God! Judah will still take digoxin until he outgrows his current dose (22 lbs is our goal, he is currently 18.9). In six months or so (assuming he's 22lbs.) we'll quit the digoxin and bring him in for an EKG within a week to see how his function looks and to be sure that he doesn't go back into SVT without the meds. He is still also taking aspirin, but Dr. Park said he may be on that for life because of his funky coronary arteries. If all goes well with taking away the digoxin in six months we will drop to yearly cardiology appointments. It seems crazy that this step is right around the corner already.

Judah's Tummy - A lot has happened on this front as well. At the time of my last post I had removed all dairy and soy from my diet and most of the bleeding in his stools had stopped. However his stools were still really runny and full of mucus. Our GI doc recommended further restrictions so we removed nuts, eggs, and all fish except salmon from my diet. Those changes continued to help but there was still mucus regularly. The next step was removing all corn from my diet I thought that one would be easy, but you would be amazed at how many things are made with corn! Around the same time I cut out corn we switched to a new probiotic and started him on his first solid food besides cereal, the wonderful avacado! This was the right combination and within a week all of the mucus was gone and I haven't seen a trace of it since. Fast forward to last week, we went back to GI and decided that I can begin to reintroduce a few things, doing a two week trial of each thing before trying something else. Tomorrow will end the two week trial of nuts and so far, no reactions! Next up will be either fish, eggs, or corn, or perhaps I'll add another food to Judah's baby food diet (that takes a 7 day wait rule between new foods) Needless to say, it will be a while before we get back on everything and we're waiting to reintroduce dairy and soy into my diet until he is over a year old. But hey, at least we're headed the right direction! The perks of this complication was that I have felt a lot better and have finally been able to lose some weight without a whole lot of effort.

Judah as a "normal" 9 month old - Judah saw his pediatrician, Dr. Cieri, today for a regular "well-child" visit. If you don't see his scar, you wouldn't know he was a heart kid. He is crawling quite well on all fours, pulling himself up on furniture and our legs and cruising around while holding onto things. He feeds himself cheerios, peas, and he really loves steamed broccoli. His first official word was not "mommy" or "daddy", it was "kitty". He has five teeth and he uses them when he wrestles with Nehemiah. Yes, I did say wrestle! I didn't know babies could do it, but Judah loves to crawl all over Nehemiah making growling noises and will even blow raspberries on exposed skin!

The rest of us - Nehemiah is a pretty typical big brother. He loves Judah and wants to be with him, but he's getting more and more possessive of his toys and has been known to wrestle a little too hard with Judah. He really likes to pick his brother up by himself, which so far has gone ok, but makes me a little nervous :) And of course, he wants to feed Judah, or bring him a toy whenever he cries. The boys have been sharing a room for about a month now, which has helped Nehemiah's sleeping habits a lot because now he doesn't mind staying in his room with his brother.

Judah looks so much like Matthew as a baby. The bright blue eyes and light blonde hair are definitely from that side of the gene pool. Judah also loves the laptop and anything electronic. Perhaps he will take after his daddy in more ways than just his looks. He certainly lights up when Matthew get's home from work every night!

Me - I'm different. All children challenge you and change you, but I am not even close to the same person I was nine months ago. I think about Judah's heart friends every day and read stories about other heart babies and I am in awe of our Creator. His provision for me, and for all of our friends, even those who have been through the worst situation, losing their son or daughter, was incomprehensible to me before I was given the privilege to walk through this. Every couple of days I read a new blog, or see a facebook post from a friend we were in the hospital with, and I am brought back to the nights when we didn't know if Judah would be ok. I remember the mess that I was, and I remember and still feel with my whole heart, the Love of my Father who not only healed Judah's heart, but held me while mine was breaking. I am more in love with my God now than I ever knew I could be. I also feel a lot more and cry a lot more, but this is good. I breathe more deeply and revel in how He made our bodies, even the "broken" ones. I love to lay my head on Judah's bare chest and listen to his heart beat, it sounds strong and steady. The sound of it grounds me again in the truth that there is an author and giver of lIfe who is in control so I don't have to be, and that is so good.

The End - I don't think I'll be writing many more entries on this blog, if any. This has been a great tool for us to inform all of you about what has been going on, and a great way for us to be encouraged by your comments. We were certainly running on prayers for a little while there, and it has been a joy to worship and rejoice with you throughout this experience. But as you can see, I am not a true blogger, I just don't have the dedication to keep it up :) I'm ok with that, I wish I was cool like my blogging friends, but God must have other plans for my time.

"Thank you" will never be enough, but just the same, thank you from the bottom of my heart,

Kirsten

Renaming the "Clot"

Today was a big day for Judah. He just went to bed without taking coumadin! We had an appointment with Dr. Park this morning and we got to have another echo. The "clot" still hasn't changed so here is the list of things it could possibly be:

1. A clot - by this time it would have been covered with endothelium and therefore stabilized enough so that it is very unlikely that it could break off or grow

2. Scar tissue from the surgery

3. Part of Judah's actual anatomy that wasn't noticed before

4. Surgicel - the blood clotting material that the surgeon packed around Judah's heart after the surgery when he was having excessive bleeding problems (although his body should have dissolved this by now if it was there).

We will have another echo in a month to be sure that there is still no change. I'm trying to think of a good term to use for the "clot" as we've been calling it...right now I'm going with the "undefined blob". If you have any ideas on potential names for it please comment below :)

I am so thankful to be done with coumadin :) Lately Judah has really been sucking on his hands and scratching his face and because of his bleeding issues normal little scratches look like huge gashes all over his face. I was embarrassed to take him out because people worried about his face. I promise I cut his nails all the time! Also, once his INR goes down, the risk of bleeding from tummy upset goes way down (in case I make a mistake and accidentally eat something with dairy or soy in it). And I know I'll worry just a little less when Nehemiah is trying to squeeze his brother with a big hug :)

Besides the undefined blob, Judah is doing amazingly well! He was just shy of 15 pounds today and is in the 96th percentile for height and the 68th percentile for weight. The teeny tiny leak that was in his neoaortic valve is gone. (He still has the tiny leak in his neopulmonary valve but that one isn't a big deal.) They were able to get a great view of his coronary arteries and the branch of his pulmonary arteries and it all looks great! His heart function is wonderful and with his weight gain Dr. Park said he really is just like any other baby at this point. He even gave us clearance to go to Minnesota this summer and Hawaii in the fall!

Today was also special because I was able to meet a new friend who was born with transposition named Joel, and his mommy, Kari. Joel has been in the PICU for quite a while now, and has had some of the same complications that Judah had at first, and a few more. For those of you who have been praying for Judah, please pray for Joel now. They have had so many ups and downs and they don't know when they'll be going home. When I went up to meet Kari and Joel I was able to see Sherrie and some of the other nurses that we had when we were in there. It felt like I was able to see family that I hadn't seen in a long time.

In other Judah news, his GI bleeding has pretty much stopped since I removed soy from my diet. I've learned that I really like hemp milk and coconut milk ice cream, and although I have to be really careful about how I eat, I am certainly not starving :) We get to see the GI doctor next Tuesday to check on his tummy issues. His stools still don't look great, but at least there isn't visible blood in them any more! I've actually been thinking about how the coumadin probably helped us identify Judah's food allergies in the first place...if he hadn't had the bleeding, who knows if I would have noticed anything wrong and investigated his allergy issues. So in a way, I'm thankful for the coumadin.

One of Judah's favorite things to do these days is bounce in a standing position while I hold him. We took him to the Mended Little Hearts meeting tonight and he bounced away as I introduced him to our friends who have been hearing about him for so long. He also made it to our family's Easter gathering and enjoyed watching his brother gather eggs and chase my cousin's pug, Chloe, around the house. It feels so good to be doing the "normal" things in life like shopping as a family and chasing Nehemiah around the block on his bike (Judah has been spending a lot of time in the front pack). We've been seeing more family and friends and we've started going to the gathering at our church again too. It will be a while before I'm ready to stick Judah in a shopping cart or put him in the nursery at church, but at least we're out and about!

I'll post again in a month if we have any new news! Thanks again for your prayers and words of encouragement.

With love,

Kirsten

P.S. Below is the product of me trying to write this blog too late at night. I was going to delete it all when I came back to edit this post, but it is just so typical for this time in my life and I think it should be recorded :) Apparently I fell asleep with my finger on the "x"

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Overdue update, sorry!

A month has flown by since I posted last. Judah was 13 lbs. 10 oz. when we were at the doctor on Friday (but we think the scale must have been off because we really didn't think he could possibly have gained that much already)! He smiles at me all the time and he loves it when his brother and I sing. He also loves baths and playing on the floor. He does not love tummy time, but we're working on it :) He had lost most of his hair from when he was born, but just this week Matthew and I noticed that some is starting to grow back on the top. I can hardly believe that he will be 3 months old 5 days!

We've been back in for an echo that showed no change in the "clot" and we've been continuing with the coumadin to help his body dissolve it. On April 6th we'll go back for another echo. At that point if there is still no change then we will probably stop with the coumadin. After a couple of months the body grows a layer of tissue over a blood clot which stabilizes it. Of course we'd rather the clot go away altogether, but if it does stabilize then we can go off the coumadin because blood cells should no longer attach to it. Judah's heart is continuing to function great, despite the "clot", so even if it is permanent, it isn't a major concern.

In the last post I talked about Judah having blood in his stool and how it went away after a couple of days. Well it's been on and off ever since and we've been trying to figure out what's going on. I cut dairy out of my diet to see if he had a milk protein allergy which seemed to make a difference at first, but it didn't last. Our pediatrician referred us to a great GI doctor at Mary Bridge who we saw on Friday. All of Judah's symptoms lead us to think that it is still some type of food allergy so now I'm totally excluding dairy and soy from my diet. I'm also significantly limiting nuts, fish, and eggs. He still had bright red spots in his diaper this morning after being on the new diet for a few days, but we were told that it may take some time before it clears my system entirely. Of course the coumadin is probably making him bleed more than he would otherwise. It's been a tough few days trying to figure out what I can and cannot eat, I thought dairy was hard to avoid but soy is in so many things! I'm so thankful though, that I'm still able to breastfeed him. If he had not been gaining weight as well as he has been, I would have most likely had to quit a while ago and switch over to formula. The day may still come when I'll have to give it up so I'm treasuring each opportunity that we have for now. We're hoping that everything will clear up soon and then I'll just stick to the new diet for a year or so (when many babies outgrow these kinds of allergies) or until I'm done nursing.

We've been out and about more and more especially as the weather's been improving. Dr. Park said that Judah's immune system should be pretty strong by now and that he's far enough away from surgery/bypass that getting a cold shouldn't hit him any harder than any other baby his age. We've been thinking that perhaps April will be our month to really re-enter the world and start going back to church and do a little more shopping during the day. (I currently do all of the grocery shopping late at night :) ).

As always, I have more to say but it's 2:20am already and I have to call it quits for tonight.

Thanks for checking in on us :)

Kirsten

Processing...

I have so much to say tonight, hopefully I can get most of it out before I forget! The picture is from last week...it is the first one we've shared publicly of Judah's scar. I hope it doesn't bother anyone but what I see is a super relaxed, happy boy who looks like he's thinking, "Don't worry mom, I've got this."

I don't even know where to start. I apologize for not posting for so long. I know many people have been wondering how Judah is doing and have continued to pray without our asking. My dad has gone back to Minnesota and so now we're trying to learn how to do more of this on our own. I probably won't post very often so please assume that no news is good news. We still have a ton of support through Matthew's parents and sister, as well as from many friends who've offered help and we know we're not alone, it's just different not having live-in help :).

Tonight we had the monthly Little Mended Hearts support group. It's a group that meets at Mary Bridge for families of children with congenital heart defects. The evening was centered around a family who had just experienced the loss of their 8 year old son...they shared their story. The father started by giving glory to God for the life of their son and returned to that theme throughout the meeting. I really couldn't comprehend the faith that I witnessed as they recounted the past 8 years and in particular the last few hours of their son's life. Their son, Jacob, died in the emergency room at Mary Bridge while Judah was in surgery at the same hospital on December 28th. They didn't see it coming, he had actually been doing pretty well for a guy who'd had multiple surgeries and more than his share of complications. Jacob had even joked with his dad about his ambulance ride shortly before he passed away because they didn't turn on the sirens and that would have been more fun. I had so many emotions running through me as I listened. I was shocked, awed, humbled, challenged, encouraged, and ultimately and oddly settled by the conversation. Little Mended Hearts is by no means a Christian group, but at the end I really felt like we should have prayed because I felt the presence of God in the room, holding us, loving us, and giving us exactly what we need to live in this moment.

Over the past few weeks I have slowly been slipping into a mental state of trying to control our situation and without realizing it had been functioning from a "what I want" point of view. What I mean is that when something wouldn't go the way I wanted I would get fearful and frustrated. Case in point, Judah has been doing really well until yesterday when he started having blood in his stool. I was sure it was blood in his diaper yesterday morning and that's when I started living in fear again. His diapers looked worse throughout the day and we went through getting his INR checked (normal INR is between 0.8 - 1.2 but because of his suspected blood clot Judah's INR is supposed to be between 2.0 -3.0 with the coumadin...it was 3.9 last week at our appointment, which is pretty high and puts him at higher risk for bleeding) and getting stool samples to the lab which was not easy (imagine using plastic wrap on a baby's bum for an afternoon, waiting for him to poo and then trying to get it into little plastic containers, it was pretty gross, kinda' stressful, but really funny looking back on it :)) We didn't know what was causing the bleeding and during the evening hours every diaper looked worse and at 1:30am he had one that was so awful I started to wonder if we would be back in the PICU sometime in the morning. That diaper was the climax of the whole thing, his diapers slowly started to improve and by this afternoon there was no blood and we haven't seen any since. We have done a few things but we don't know which of them stopped the bleeding or if it just stopped on it's own. First of all I stopped nursing in case he has an allergy to milk proteins. We gave him pedialyte until this afternoon when we started on soy formula. I have cut milk products from my diet and our pediatrician said that I can try nursing again tomorrow and we'll see how it goes. We also skipped last night's coumadin dose and started him on probiotics in case it is a bacterial issue. I don't know if any of these interventions are what stopped the bleeding, but I am just thankful that it seems to be over and we'll see what the rest of the lab results say about a bacterial infection tomorrow sometime.

Late last night I had been sharing some of what was happening with a friend we met in the PICU and this morning I woke up to the most encouraging message from her which helped to set a totally different tone than what I had ended the previous day with. God gave her the exact words I needed to hear and although I still struggled throughout the day, I kept going back to them. Her son has had a much more complicated journey than Judah, and hearing her encourage me to trust God is so powerful and humbling.

You know I as I listened to Jacobs dad tonight I realized how much I just wasn't there yet. I mean, I'm not really giving God the glory he deserves for saving Judah's life and giving me today and all of the days before today with him. The timing of tonights meeting was so perfect for me in my processing of everything. My friend's encouragement warmed me up, and in hearing Jacob's story I started to feel like in a way I was starting to heal...which wasn't even something I realized I needed...and I'm starting to know the goodness of God in a more powerful way.

It's almost 3 am but all I can think of right now is to be thankful. God has given me everything I've needed. I'm not sure if I said this in a previous post but shortly before Judah was born I heard someone say that God does sometimes give us more than we can handle so that he can show us that He is in control and will hold us, provide for us, and give us the grace we need in hard situations. This is so true for me tonight.

I'm also so thankful to all of you who have been reading our posts, praying for us, and leaving so many messages and comments both here and on facebook. I can't tell you how much every encouraging comment means. I've never met some of you, but your words have been so appreciated. I've been having a hard time going to sleep these past few weeks and I often sit up at night re-reading the comments on the blog and facebook and it has helped me a lot.

Well I'm sure I have forgotten half of what I meant to say when I began writing but I am going to stop for tonight, give Judah a bottle, and go to bed.

Thank you again and with all my heart, Praise God!

Kirsten

First Post-Op Appointment

Today was our first visit back at Northwest Children's Heart Care. Judah is doing well in so many ways :) He has gained 6.5 oz. since leaving the hospital last Thursday! He received a lot of praise from the staff and Dr. Park for packing on over an ounce a day since they last saw him. His labs looked great and his incision and drain tube holes are healing very well. Also, his chest x-ray looked great! Because he is eating so well and his x-ray showed no problems we are able to take away one of his two daily doses of lasix.

We do have a couple of things to continue to pray for though...First, his INR (level of anti-clotting medication) was too low so we have to increase the amount of coumadin he takes every night. It's scary to give him medication that can make him prone to bleeding and I was hoping to back off of it or at least be able to stay at the level we were at. His "blood clot" appears mostly unchanged. The doctors and echo techs are still scratching their heads trying to figure out where it really is. A new theory is that it is both inside and outside. Regardless, we still have to treat it like a clot, hence the coumadin. Second, Judah's valves (pulmonary and aortic) are not exactly perfect. The neopulmonary valve has a teeny tiny leak (not a big deal) and the neoaortic valve has a mild leak. We will watch these as he grows to see if they develop into anything that needs help, but for now we just wait and see. And of course there's the good ol' coronary arteries. There isn't any new information about them, other than because of the way they needed to be repaired we will need to treat any faintness or chest pain during exertion as an emergency as he gets older. For now, the doctors have told us that babies and toddlers do a really great job of pacing themselves and they will stop when something is too difficult for their heart.

Our next appointment is in two weeks. He also sees his pediatrician this week and a hemotologist next week. We'll post any updates about how things look after them.

We are so thankful for these past few days at home. Nehemiah had a lot of fun with his grandparents and aunties while we were gone, but I really missed him and I'm so glad to be home with him.

O.k...I jus woke up even though I'm supposed to be writing this and going to sleep :) I meant to write more tonight but I'll let the picture do the talking. Thank you so much for all of the prayers and words of encouragement.

Kirsten

Home, a belated post

This entry was written yesterday but we were too tired to post it....

So the routine lately has been me staying home in the morning and getting nehemiah up. Usually passing him off to his grandpa and then I sleep a little more. Later I wake up and then hang out with him. Well things didn't really go according to plan today.

Right when I went back to sleep, Kirsten text me saying our surgeon said he could go home. It was good the hear but he was not the one who makes the decision. 30 second later I get another text that the pediatric cardiologist, the one who does make the decision, said he could go home also. This was a bit unexpected so the house flew into motion to prepare.

By the the time I got the hospital they had taken everything off. No more nasal canula, he had gone 3 hours keeping his oxygenation level high enough, no more IV, no more stomach IV, and no more sensors to track his heart rate, respiration and oxygenation. This is the first time since he has been born that he has not been hooked up to these sensors. It was also the first time we had seen him without some sort of breathing apparatus on his face. When I walked through the door Kirsten was holding him walking around the floor we were on. He had never been more that 2 feet from his bed.

Unlike when we went home with Nehemiah getting out of the hospital was quite fast. We were home by 12 which was right before Nehemiah's nap. So Nehemiah got to me baby brother for the first time. He was quite curious and want to watch him. He touched him a little bit. He also likes to tell us what he's doing. Baby Brother's crying. Baby Brother diaper. Baby Brother poopy. He would be a great play by play announcer.

It has been quite surreal being home with him. His whole existence he has been in the hospital. Now he's home and we're doing normal new baby stuff which is so different that what we have experienced so far. Also for the first time the whole family was able to sit together. Usually somebody is at the hospital or having to do something else for Judah. It no longer felt like we were torn between being in two different places.

So it seems like we're a whole family which we wondered if that would every come. It felt like at the hospital for a months not weeks. We have more appointments over the next weeks to check up on things and we have medication to give but that should only last a few months. They still don't know where the clot is so people can pray that is dissolves and does not become an issue. Also pray that nehemiah and us would deal well with the transition home.

So our baby boy is fixed! Its been a long road but we'd like to thank everyone for your thoughts, prayers and concerns. We'll update the blog with more information as we know it.

Matthew

Movin' on up...

well actually it was down to the 6th floor. They finally found some space for us on the pediatric floor. So now we're pretty much on our own. The nurse comes into give medication every once in a while but that is about it. We feed him, change him and do all the stuff that we would do in the comfort of our own home except its the hospital.

Since Judah is feeding well it sounds like the only thing from keeps us from going home is to get his non-clotting medication up to therapeutic levels. He still struggles to be off oxygen but he can still go home with an oxygen bottle. It sounds like if he doesn't get off it at the hospital it sound only be a month at home. So things are going well. Pray that we will get home this week because living in two places, home and hospital, is starting to take its toll after 2 weeks.

Ohh and Judah is now two weeks old although it feels likes it's been months since he has been born.

Here is a picture of him right after nursing...

Well I guess i know he's my son cause that's what I want to do after I eat also.

Matthew

Getting closer...

Judah is such a trooper. He will be two weeks old tomorrow night and he has had more IVs, pokes, and prods (not to mention open heart surgery) than I've had in my 29 years. The problem with IVs is that they only last so long.

The last one he had available failed today so we had to spend a long time trying to find another location for a new IV. After ruling out both feet and trying both hands, the IV therapy nurse decided to go for the scalp again. Although it looks bad, it seemed to hurt less than his hand and was easier to put in.

The big news of today is that we are ready to discharge. If there had been a bed available on the floor (also known as the med/surge floor) we would have gone today. We're hoping that a room opens up tomorrow so we can get in. We will miss the PICU but are ready to move on.

Judah's cardiologist is still stumped about the supposed blood clot in his left atrium. He decided that he'd try looking at it with an MRI today. The procedure was very long and didn't give us any more answers. Thankfully, Judah didn't have to be inutbated for the process and woke up shortly after they finished.

We'll write more tomorrow hopefully...but for tonight I'm way too tired to type any more.

Goodnight :)

Kirsten

Better, but still waiting...

Judah is looking better all the time. His color is great and he is becoming more alert. He is also a pro at nursing, which is something we had been told would take a long time to get the hang of after surgery. He's breathing well and only has to be on limited oxygen through the nasal canula. The x-ray of his lungs this morning looked "worlds better" than Saturday's, according to the doctor. In fact this morning they mentioned we would move out of the ICU into the regular children's floor of the hospital. Until....

So you know that blood clot I mentioned in the last blog post? The cardiologist was determined to find out if it is in the left atrium of Judah's heart or not but after trying for well over an hour, they still couldn't tell. In the end the cardiologist felt that the risk of it being a blood clot is too great to not treat it. The only reason the doctors didn't automatically start medication is that the medications we can use aren't easy to administer. This means that he will stay in the PICU at least one more day while they monitor how he does on the anti-clotting medication. This medication will be something we will have to go home with unless they can get a definitive picture that shows the clot outside of the heart. That said, it is unlikely that we will ever know whether it is inside the heart or not because the time to dissolve the clot inside or the topical hemostatic (material the surgeon packed around the heart to stop the bleeding) outside the heart will be about the same. The medication is a blood thinner so we will have to do blood tests after we administer it to make sure it's not working too well.

So here is the current list of medication we will have to do when we go home:

1. Aspirin -- this helps with the blood flow and is standard after heart surgery.

2. Digoxen -- this helps prevent the SVTs we had earlier. It kind of up in the air whether the digoxen stopped them or his heart had finally recovered after the surgery but again, better to be safe than sorry. I think he will be on it for about 6 months.

3. Blood Thinner -- This will last about 3 months and, as I said, involve administration and blood testing.

Thankfully, all of these drugs only have to be given once a day and it's a lot less then some heart patients which can easily go home with more than ten or even twenty medications.

Going into this process we were told by other parents to expect the unexpected and we are hoping that we are done with our unexpected complications. Pray that there would be no more and we can progress "normally" now. :)

Finding the blood clot was disappointing but a blessing. The ultrasound they found it on was one that was not even suppose to be given. It was only ordered because he had the bizarre chest x-ray yesterday, which by the way, no one can explain because it was completely different today. They may have found it later, but with a blood clot the sooner it starts dissolving, the less danger of a stroke or embolism in another area of the body. I guess it's hard to detect a clot unless it's seen on the an ultrasound. Much like the pre-diagnosis of the his heart defect, it was disappointing to hear but makes a world of difference for Judah, especially if it is inside the heat. Praise God.

Thank you to everyone who has been praying for us.

Matthew

Still waiting...

So I'm going to make this quick because we've had too many late night....

First, Judah was breathing well and everything looked good for him. But for some strange reason the x-ray of his lungs showed clogging in both lungs so much so that the doc ran to the room thinking he would have an impossible time breathing. Luckily that was not the case he was breathing just fine and his oxygenation was 100%. The doc said it is one of the bigger cases where the x-ray shows one thing but the patient is behaving totally different. Luckily the doc didn't go crazy because of the x-ray and take him off feeding and put him back on air. Judah has done great the whole day and Kirsten has been nursing him. They are going to get another x-ray tomorrow hopefully it will more consistent with his appearance and show all clear.

Also because of the x-ray of his lungs they wanted to look at the heart again just to rule out that it had anything to do with the lung issue. They didn't think so but while looking around they did find a blood clog. They were not sure if it outside the heart and just part of the operation or inside the heart. If its outside no big deal if it's inside then they would have to give him anti-clotting medication to break it up. They don't think it's inside the heart but they can't be 100% sure so they are going to watch it over the next few days to see if it grows. If it does then it most likely on the inside of the heart. If its doesn't then they are comfortable declaring its on the outside. Obviously that is what we want. :)

Good night,

Matthew

Our Boys and Dealing with the Unknown

Things are moving along well for Judah. I (Kirsten) had a lot of highs and lows throughout the day, but as I reflect on the lows in particular, I realize that some of them really weren't as big as I thought they were at the time. I've been averaging between 4-5 hours of sleep a night since Judah arrived. I know this isn't a good pace for me, but I keep reminding people who worry that I wouldn't be getting much sleep if I had a newborn at home either :) However, the lack of sleep is taking its toll on me emotionally.

The highs of the day were very high! This morning the doctors were considering another bronchoscopy (the procedure he had yesterday to remove the icky stuff in the upper left lobe of his lungs) but decided to try to move him off of the CPAP instead to see if he could try to clear it on his own by coughing, crying, etc. I was thrilled to see that uncomfortable looking thing come off of his face. For the first time since early Monday morning we were able to see his whole face at once, and even with all of the red marks from the tape, it was a beautiful sight to see. Even better than that was his Sats, which have stayed at 100 since the CPAP was taken off! This was a huge test for Judah and we were expecting to just give him a break from the CPAP rather than taking it off entirely. He proved that he can oxygenate himself just fine without it though, so they moved him back to a nasal canula.

Since removal of the CPAP, the swelling throughout his body has been subsiding and he is starting to look like the baby we sent to surgery in the first place. He has also been much more alert and we spent a lot of time just staring into each other's eyes today :) I know he's starting to feel better because his eyes were more open today than they ever have been. He was also allowed to eat for the first time today. We fed him mostly by the bottle because we don't want him working very hard. I did get to nurse a little as well and I think he's going to get the hang of it again without too much trouble when he's stronger.

For the first time today I found myself wondering how I could possibly handle any other setbacks. The end of the day showed a lot of progress and satisfaction, but the morning was another story. First of all, Judah had a very swollen belly from the air that was being forced down his lungs and throat from the CPAP machine which looked very uncomfortable. Also, the cardiologist came by to do an ultrasound because the PICU doctor thought is perfusion wasn't great yet. The ultrasound tech and the cardiologist said something quietly to each other at the beginning of the scan and looked concerned but didn't tell me anything. The cardiologist left without saying anything and the tech guy continued to look at Judah's heart for a really long time as if he were searching for something. I started trying to interpret his facial expressions, knowing that he couldn't tell me anything. And my mind started to race with questions and to be honest, fear, that he might have to go back to surgery. The situation was resolved when Dr. Woods, our surgeon, came by to check on Judah and the ultrasound tech let on that he couldn't find the left coronary artery. Because of Judah's abnormal coronary pattern, they weren't in the place he would have normally looked. So I was right in picking up that whatever they were looking at was a big deal, but I was so premature with the anxiety I was feeling. After talking to Dr. Woods the tech found the left coronary and confirmed that everything is looking great and functioning well.

The other thing that really threw me off was finding out that Judah's incision my have a slight infection. I didn't think the color of his dressing looked right but our nurse assured us that it was perfectly normal. When Dr. Woods saw it he immediately pulled the tape up and determined that there is either some fat necrosis happening or than a superficial infection has begun. He cleaned and redressed everything as well as ordered more antibiotics for the next 24 hours. He isn't at all concerned about it, but it could have become a big deal if it hadn't been addressed when it was. This was all happening immediately after the ultrasound was completed and before I had been informed that everything was ok.

Less than 30 minutes after that, Judah was in my arms, free of the CPAP, and sat-ing 100%.

This roller coster of emotions and/or anxiety about the situation is one of those things you never see coming until you in the mist of it.

Another one of the unknowns was how Nehemiah was going to react to the whole situation. Considering the situation he is doing OK but here have been more than a few days in which Matthew and I have hardly seen him. At first, the excitement of having Minnesota family around was a fun distraction for him, but as time has gone on he has had a harder time with our limited time at home and absence of the the rhythms and patterns he was used to. He's been having a rather difficult time going to bed and gets upset easily. We having started to make a schedule that allows either Matthew or I to be around when he is awake to help give him some more stability in this crazy time. We would love prayers for Nehemiah as he adjusts not only to this time that we are away but also for the future when Judah comes home. Also pray that he can be secure that we love him whether we're with him or not.

So in summary praise God Judah is doing well and God help us as we figure out how to love two boys in this crazy time.

Well I think thats it for tonight,

Kirsten (and some Matthew)

Progress

So for those you haven't had their child have major heart surgery let me tell you how progress is measured.

1. Stats

You have no idea how many numbers they keep on these kids. In the room is a monitor that has 3-6 numbers: Heart Rate, Blood Pressure, Blood Oxygenation, Fluid in the heart, respiratory rate and CO2. As a parent you always have some number you want to go up and down. Believe me you stare at those numbers thinking you can change them if you look long enough. For us that number was the Oxygenation, because of the transposition, then heart rate, because of the heart rate spikes from svt. Its easy to get stat envy in the PICU as we talk to other parents and hear their stats.

2. How many tube are coming out of the body

Judah started with around 11. 3 for blood drainage, 5 to get medicine into the body, 1 to measure heart pressure, 1 to pee, and 1 to pace his heart. Ohh and a breathing tube. I feel like I'm there is a song called "The PICU twelve tubes of christmas."

3 How many medications is he on?

Coming out of surgery Judah had around eight continuos medication running. Some for his heart, some for pain, some to sure he was getting enough nutrition, some to pump fluids in and some to make sure those fluids come out.

Its funny how your mind obsesses over this things. Better things get the closer you are to home.

So at the beginning of the day his stats were stable but his heart rate was a bit high, he had 9 tubes coming out of him (he got the blood drainable tubes out yesterday), 5 drugs pumping into him.

In order to open his lungs we need to do a procedure to clean then out because they couldn't get enough gunk out they usual ways. They needed to do this so he could get of the ventilator. If someone is on the ventilator too long then infection can occur which is not good for anyone let alone a baby ..... that just had heart surgery. The heart can be fixed but if the lungs develop a problem its almost as bad. The procedure work on cleaning out most of this lungs. You can ask me (Matthew) about what they did when you want to hear a scary story.

So because they were able to clean most of the lung out they took him off the breathing tube which is another major milestone. Although they did have to put him on a CPAP which blows air down his nose to keep the dirty part of the lung open so he can work it out his self. While not breathing entirely on his own he is in a much better situation now and far less likely for infection. BTW the lungs sewage system is crazy cool talk to me when you want your mind blown. So one tube down. He also go his catheter for peeing taken out and his arterial line on the right arm. As we stand now we just have 4 tubes for medicine and the pacer wires for his heart left in.

He also did better on his medicine and stats. Currently his only has 1 thing going into him continuously which makes sure he has the right balance of nutrients in his body. They will stop this once they feed him more. All the heart and pain medicines have stopped. He does get various ad hoc medication but those are mostly one time things. He also only has 4 stats left to look at and they are all very stable.

So hopefully they will take the CPAP off sometime tomorrow so he will be breathing completely on his own, take out some more tubes out and start feeding him breast milk. If he tolerates all of those things the we could move out of the PICU and out with the general population. We'll probably have to spend a few days there also. Hopefully we'll be there by Monday.

Ohhh .... Since most of the tubes were removed Kirsten got to hold him for the first time since the surgery which made her vary happy. And they put clothes on him for the first time in his life.

Matthew